I’m back, but I’m different.
I'm back, but I'm different.
There is no doubt that my life is vastly different now to how it was 18 months ago. But, a lot of things are actually the same again. Yet they're very different. Let me explain.
Last April, I got a job offer for an incredible opportunity to work for a great company in London. As I noted at the time, this role was a massive step forward in my career - I knew before I even got there that there would be challenges and it really would push me, but I was still excited about it - even if I was excited and terrified in equal measures.
What I didn't expect or prepare for though, was just how difficult everything was about to become. It turns out that moving your whole life 250 miles down the country, leaving your friends, family and everyone you know behind to pursue your career in a city you don't know whilst unknowingly going into a really dark and harsh winter... is pretty damn hard.
So, when I got given another opportunity to further progress my career again, to work back in a team I already know I love, AND move back to Liverpool, it was a no-brainer. I was once again moving my life 250 miles across the country, but this time there were no nerves. There was no awful feeling in the back of my mind that this wasn't actually what I wanted to do. There were no tears as I left London (well, until that flat fiasco happened...) - it was just excitement, relief and all of the happiness.
I know that I've changed, too. The Soph who left Liverpool last June isn't quite the same one that has come back. I feel like I've come back that little bit stronger having gotten through to the other side of some pretty shitty times and awful lows while I was down there.
Other things have changed too. Before I moved to London, I was very happy spending most of my weekends by myself. I'd take myself off to a coffee shop in town, work on my blog and then head home to watch tv or netflix for the evening. Now, while I'm very much still happy to spend time by myself, my blog has taken a little bit of a back-seat to making plans with friends and craving to be doing or seeing things all of the time.
There are a few reasons for this, and some of them are because the blogging world has changed and shifted a lot since I first started, and it's simply just not the same hobby anymore that I fell in love with four years ago. But also, it's because if there's one thing that London showed me how to love - it was keeping busy.
I no longer feel guilty if I haven't posted on here in a while. I don't care if I haven't posted on Instagram in a few days and I couldn't give less of a shit anymore about my engagement. I no longer feel like I'm being 'left behind', like I'm not good enough or that I'm not being the best blogger when I see other people receive opportunities that I don't (mainly because they work super damn hard on their blogs and deserve them all).
And that's because I came to really see my blog as my hobby, and that's it. Before I moved to London, there was very much a part of me that wanted to take my blog full-time, but now - my aspirations couldn't be further from it. My career has become 100% of my focus. I want to excel in what I do and I'm determined to continue to work my way up the ladder in my full-time job, because I've found something that I love and that excites me.
As much as I hated pretty much every second of London, I'm so glad I went as it's taught me so much and given me opportunities and experiences that I wouldn't have had without it. So yes, I'm back. I'm back but I'm different. I'm back but in a much better place and I'm back but having taken a huge step forward, too.