'It's both a blessing, and a curse, to feel everything so deeply.'
'I'm sorry.' Two words that I say a lot. And I mean, a lot. I can't really help it, they kinda just come out. I think I say them because there's a part of me that is terrified of the thought of someone being angry or annoyed with me, so it's a natural mechanism for me to try and prevent that from happening.
But, if there's one thing that I've learned not to be sorry for, it's for being a sensitive soul.
I'm sure anyone that knows me will agree that I am indeed, a little sensitive. I mean, I cry at everything. Okay, not everything, but if there's anything even slightly emotional on tv, you might wanna provide me with some tissues just in case.
But, being sensitive doesn't just mean that it's easy to make me cry. It means that I deeply appreciate the little things. It means that my head is often a creative buzz, overthinking and empathising with situations and people that I barely know. It means that I have a high awareness of what others may be feeling, and a desire to make sure that they're okay, and not hurting like I have in the past.
THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE SUFFER MORE, BUT THEY ALSO LOVE HARDER, DREAM WIDER, AND EXPERIENCE DEEPER HORIZONS AND BLISS.
That's the thing, though. It probably is a lot easier to hurt me than it is others, because I take everything to heart. You may not mean anything by what you say, it could be an off hand comment, or an action that you don't think twice about. But to me, it'll get stuck in my head, and I'll replay it over and over until I'm an emotional mess wondering what I did to upset you.
But the reason I get like this, isn't because I'm weird, or crazily attached to you, it's just because I care. I care about people easily, and I'll care about them a lot. Sometimes, I really wish I didn't, because it wouldn't hurt so much when it becomes clear that someone else doesn't, but I do and it's a big part of who I am.
Quite often, being seen as emotional is depicted as a sign of a weakness. But to me, I don't see that at all. I see it as me being genuine and honest with you. I'll tell you anything if I decide to put my trust in you, and I'll most definitely not do anything to hurt you. I couldn't. Because I couldn't live with the pain and the guilt that I would feel afterwards. And if you, or something is hurting me, I'll tell you.
The thing about being sensitive is, it's the constant mix of highs and lows. We feel them both, and we feel them a lot. Each day can be a complete mix of feeling incredibly happy, to feeling upset & hurt about something.
So no, I won't apologise for being sensitive. But, that's just me, and I'm not scared to let other people see it.