I feel broken.

I feel broken. 

I feel broken, and lost, and lonely. 

And silly. Because I know that this is just a bout of whatever's going on in my head, and by morning I'll be just fine again. But it hurts. It makes me curl up under my blankets and cry.

It makes me feel like I need an hour long hug but there's no one else here.

It makes me want to apologise to everyone I've ever met, for causing them any trouble. For every minute that they've spent talking to me, making plans with me, wasting their time on me, when they could've been investing their time in someone else. Someone better. 

I feel like I constantly let people down, get things wrong, and that I'll never be good enough, no matter how hard I try. 

I get overwhelmed easily. If someone's nice to me it's like my head can't cope with it. There must be a catch. 

I want to be the best that I can be for everyone, but I'm just not sure if I'm able to.

I don't mean to get things wrong. 

Writing this is making me feel better though. Strangely. 

It's late and I still feel a little bit broken. I wish that this wouldn't happen. I wish I didn't have to bother those people that are so nice to me when I feel like this. It's not their problem, and they don't owe me anything to have to listen to me while I try and explain how I feel. 

Sad. Anxious. Broken.

But they do. They listen, talk to me, distract me, make me smile again, just a little. But it's a little and it means I'll be okay.

I'm okay.

I finished writing this at about 2 AM this morning after hours of feeling like this. And now? I'm totally okay. I've been in two minds as to whether to actually post this, or just keep it for myself, but I think I want to. If only on the off chance that someone reads this who can relate. For the possible reassurance to anyone that you'll be okay too.

It's okay not to be okay.


  1. Hey girl! Hope you're okay! I've had a few moments like this in the past month as well. Most times, for me, it's because I'm overcome with anxiety. It often results in a panic attack and then complete and utter guilt. It can feel like quite a ride and a few hours later I can be completely fine, maybe even ready to conquer the world. I tend to get these moments when I have something in my life I feel that I can't quite control- interesting since most things in life can't and shouldn't be controlled. I guess what I am saying is I completely relate. You are not alone! I know we don't know eachother really but if you ever need to chat, don't hesitate to reach out! From an outsider perspective, you radiate beauty, creativity, wisdom, and so much value! Your blog is one of my favorites and I look forward to reading it all the time. You're killing it!! No alternative motive. It's been thrilling watching your blog grow. Hope you feel like you conquer anything once morning comes. xx Riss

    1. Riss! That was the loveliest thing to read this morning. I'm sorry that you feel like this sometimes too, but I completely know what you mean. I'm so completely fine now and i'm up and getting ready for work like normal. Strange how our mind likes to play tricks on us, huh?
      Your blog is also one of my favourites, it's grown so much so quickly! I hope you're okay too lady. Sending you all the love from over here!

      Soph x

  2. Thank you for this post, and your honesty. I can really relate to how you're feeling, but when I see you on Instagram or Twitter you seem so put together, as if everything was working out for you. Thank you for the reminder that we are more than our screens, and please believe me when I say you are not bothering anyone. I'm glad you're feeling better, I think writing has an amazing power to allow us to externalise emotions healthily. But remember if you start to feel this way again that you are an amazing woman and plenty of people think you're worth the investment.

    Liza xxx

  3. I feel like a lot of people feel this way at times, I certainly do. But a lot of it for me comes with comparing myself to others when I really shouldn't. I hope you feel better soon. Maybe writing could become a solace and a refuge for when you feel down.


  4. Your honesty is admirable, Sophie and this is why I love your blog so much. I'm sorry you felt this way, I do hope you feel better now! You said in your previous post that you wanted to be someone else's favourite blogger.. well I think you are mine now! xxx

    Sam // Samantha Betteridge

  5. I often feel the same way. I tell myself that this feeling is only temporary and I can't control how I feel, but I can control how I react. Thanks for sharing! Your words beautifully captured the pain that we all feel from time to time.


  6. I'm feeling like this right now actually, and it's so hard to talk to people about feeling this way without feeling guilty of bothering them or thinking you've annoyed them too. It really helps me seeing other people being so honest and open, I hope you're feeling better now and if you ever need anyone to talk to you can message me anytime! :)

    -Eternalleigh.blogspot.com x

  7. I'm so glad you're feeling better, but sorry to hear you felt so bad in the first place. My favourite phrase that gets me through when I'm struggling is "this too shall pass". xx

  8. I've already messaged you about this. So all I'm going to say is I love you, and I'm always here xxxx