I got told something the other week that threw me. Completely threw me. It was like someone had just jumped out from behind a bush dressed as a giant cupcake, singing 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer' and walking a cat. Yeah, it caught me that off-guard and was that unexpected. And well, left me that confused.
The person that told me this is someone who you'd probably trust, if you didn't know them already, from their professional title and position. I went to this person for answers, but came away after just over an hour with more questions than I'd started with and an extremely strange feeling at the pit of my stomach. I just didn't know what to do with this piece of information that this person had just quite offhandedly blurted out about me like it was nothing. When it's actually quite a bloomin' big deal.
I just didn't understand and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Quite honestly, I still haven't. And while I'm being honest, it's really rather affected me, but not in a good way. It's made me change and alter some of the things I do, that I know I shouldn't be changing. In fact, I should probably be changing them the other way.
Do you know when you notice something that someone does all the time, whether it's a word that they constantly say, or a habit of theirs, and then as soon as you notice it, you just can't stop noticing it every time they do it? The last few weeks have been like that for me. But with myself. (I'm fully aware that that probably makes no sense… but hopefully at least someone gets it!).
I'm quite lucky at the minute to have a lot of very strong minded people around me, and I'm also meeting new people all the time, which is great, and I absolutely love it! But I guess one of the things I appreciate the most about it is that the more people I meet, the more people I become friends with, the more knowledge, thoughts and experiences are shared, and the more I'm learning. And goodness was I thankful to have recently met one person in particular, pretty randomly, I'm not gonna lie, who was able to help me quite a lot during the few days that followed this bit of a bombshell that had landed in my life, through their own, personal experiences.
Okay, so I'mma just pause there and make a really quick shout-out to this person because I think you'll have guessed by now that it's you and I REALLY hope you're not taking this too weirdly because otherwise this could be pretty disastrous. But, if you're reading, thank you... again.
*Breathes* ANYWHO. Does anyone know where I'm going with this? 'Cause right now, I'm not too sure either. Anyone else just feel better when they write? Hope you guys don't mind!
It's been just over a week since thoughts in my head have been whizzing round even more than normal, and it's crazy to think that before this, I was blissfully un-aware of what could potentially have rather a big impact on me. What I was told wasn't anything definite, and there's probably very little reason for me to be worrying, ...but y'know, massive over-thinker over here!
I guess what's at the back of my mind is how some of the little things that we say can have a big impact on someone else. Similar to how we all have possessions that mean different things to us. Something that means a lot to one person, and that they hold very dear, can mean very little to someone else. Something that we say offhandedly could end up having a massive affect on someone and we don't even realise. It's definitely made me more aware of the things I say, not that I was conscious enough of them already!
Did any of this make sense? I hope it made sense. If not, I'm sorry you've just had to sit through me ramble about pretty much nothing! Whoops. I guess it was just something I needed to get down.