So today I turn 21!
21 sounds like I have to be an actual adult now, which although in someways having gone straight into full time employment nearly 3 years ago, having bills and rent to pay, and complaining how much of a pain in the bum council tax is on a monthly basis, you could say I've been in the adult world for a while now. But still, 21 kinda makes it official, right?
But do you know what, I'm actually SO excited for the future. My life's changed massively in the last 3 years, so who even knows what my life will look like by the end of the next 3 years. Although I'm not sure how I feel about thinking about 24 year old me... that really is a scary, scary thought!
I made a promise to myself the other day that I'm going to stay positive and appreciate the most beautiful things in life each day. This is what happened the other day. Not only did I have the most fabulous and giggle-filled day with Becca, we happened to stumble across this gorgeous park in the middle of Liverpool. There was hardly anyone else around (excusing the few passers by who did give us a few strange second glances..), the sun was shining, the surroundings were just lovely and the blossom falling off the tree's was beautiful! (Oh, and I think Becca's found her new calling in life as a lifestyle photographer. What dya reckon?!)
There are still a few times when I'm around certain people, in certain places and in certain circumstances that I still feel like I'm not me. I still feel like I have to conform to people's expectations of the old me. The girl I was when I when left college and first ventured into the 'real world' at 18. This isn't me anymore. I don't get to show everyone who I am. Yes, I may still be quiet at times but I've developed an inner confidence from somewhere that not everyone gets to see. But I'm determined to make this change and (try) to be less care-free and enjoy life to the fullest! No matter where I am, or who I'm with.
I'm also determined to stop living in the past. Forget the people who don't matter anymore and focus on the ones who do. I have the best people in my life at the minute, and I need to stop letting things from years gone by affect me and my relationships with others in the now.
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a maze, and love is a riddle, I don't know where to go, I can't do it alone, I've tried. And I don't know why. Slow it down, make it stop. Or else my heart is going to pop. Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot, to be something I'm not. I'm just a little girl lost in the moment, I'm so scared, but I don't show it, I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down, I know, I've got to let it go. And just enjoy the show. - The Show, Lenka.
I'm determined to make turning 21 the best day, and see it as a new, fresh and fabulous start.