You turn 21 in just over a months time, and you may be thinking, what on earth could you tell me just 5 years on from now? Well, 16 year old me, brace yourself.
A LOT has changed since you left high school, you have changed, some of your friends have changed and what you want in life has changed. A few times, actually... Yeah, you're indecisiveness hasn't changed much either.
Here's something else that hasn't changed. You still worry, ALL THE TIME. It's not good for us. You come to realise this eventually but as of yet, I can't help you with how to even try and do this a little less. I've got a feeling this is going to be one of those things we're just going to have to accept.
My attempt at a scrap book at 17. I think I got about 7 pages in...
Up until now you've always been quite a follower. You did whatever your friends did, you thought you had to like whatever they liked, that you had to think like they did and you were supposed to want what everyone around you did too. This has lead to you doing some things that you didn't actually want to do in the last few years and at times you weren't happy, but you didn't dare show this. BUT I'm pleased to say this is one thing that is about to change.
Something clicks in your head when you get to college. I don't know what or when exactly this happens, but it does. All of a sudden you're not too bothered about having to do what your friends do anymore, you finally start thinking about what you want. Or at least, you think you do.
You're still quite concerned about what everyone around you thinks of what you do though. You feel like everything you do, everything you say and everything you wear is being judged somehow. You've got a few more years until this feeling passes, unfortunately. But, you're gonna get there!
In terms of going to University, I'm pleased to tell you, you stick to your guns! You've never wanted to go, and you don't! At 17 you realise that you need to do what you want to do. This life thing is a pretty big deal. Scrap what people are expecting you to do, and this goes for all aspects in your life, you really do start doing things for you... well, some things anyway.
However, don't go giving yourself too much of a pat on the back just yet. You still have a lot to learn.
I don't want to say too much because I don't want you to go changing any of the decisions you're going to make. You need to make them. Yes, some of them go absolutely tits up, BUT, you're going to learn from each one, and each mistake is going to make you that little bit stronger and wiser to the world around you.
You're also going to have some times that are going to be tough. You're going to start questioning everything that you do. Is that what you're supposed to be doing? Is what you're doing good enough for people? Are you good enough for people?
STOP IT SOPH. These kinda questions are just going to drive you up the wall. So stop thinking about them. Life will go on and you'll be happier if you ignore that little voice in your head that's trying to answer 'no' to each of the above.
The people in your life are going change quite a lot over the next few years too. And this is okay. It doesn't seem like it at first, and we both know you're not a fan of change just yet. But trust me, it's okay.
Initially at college and your first part time job (which FYI you're going to love. You're going to think you hate it at times, but trust me, make the most of that job and the people you work with). Then comes the end of college. People are off to university and you're off to work! You're going to be thrown right in at that deep end to sink or swim. You think you're going to sink. In fact, you're pretty sure you're going to need the lifeguard and that great big pole of his to drag you right back into your comfort zone.
But you don't! You carry on, you push yourself and you should be proud! For someone who right now, at 16, won't say boo to a goose, in two years you've done amazingly well, if I may say so myself.
This goes on for quite a while, you having to push yourself out of your comfort zone. But, it's good for you. And you'll soon see why.
Here's a surprise for you. You move out at 19! I know, right?! Insane. You've never, ever, ever, even thought about this yet, and it's still a scary prospect. But that job you get makes you grow up, fast. So much so that you want more independence. You want to see if you can do this whole grown up thing yourself. So you go for it. And you're going to love it. Don't get me wrong, trips and visits back home are just the best, and you'll always look forward to, and make the most of these, but moving out will be just the best thing for you at this point.
You learn a lot from this. Even if it is to never leave Lenor softener on top of the washing machine when it's on a spin, and to keep your bread in the fridge to keep it softer and stop it from going off.
This also enables you to meet even more people. People that are going to change your whole perspective on life and what's important. People that are going to fill you with confidence and others that are going to take that confidence right back again. But then it'll come back to you again, I swear.
Your love for a good cup of tea clearly doesn't go anywhere either.
AND THEN YOU START THIS BLOG!
It starts out as an Instagram thing. And you like getting compliments on the photographs you take. It feels pretty good. You then accidentally stumble across the blogging and vlogging world and oh my goodness. It takes you a good few months to do it though. To build up the confidence to start a blog and pretty much put yourself out there on the internet for every man and his dog to see, and read what you're going to write.
But it gets addictive and you can't help but start to write posts and spend hours on end googling what html code you need to do what.
And then the most unexpected thing happens. You start talking to the best group of blogging girls and they suddenly become a big part of your life that you can't imagine not being there anymore. Seriously, these girls are amazing, not only for blogging advice, but for support with anything. Literally, anything. Pretty sure they've all had you giggling out loud to yourself at some point. Or they will do... you technically haven't met them yet, but you get my drift. Your drift. Oh, this has got confusing now!
And it's not just these girls, your blog enables you to start talking a great bunch of other people too, from a lot of different backgrounds, with a lot of different experiences to share, and life lessons to teach you, and once again you start thinking about life, an awful lot, actually!
And that kinda brings you up to speed as far as the nearly 21 year old version of yourself can tell you. You're in the middle of making a massive decision that as you'd expect, you're stressing about. You don't know what you want to do with your life, but it's okay.
It'll work out in the end. Things always do. Just remember that, Soph.